In my opinion, it’s not talked about enough. I know the school goes through and educates every teenager on the dangers of it (pregnancy, STIs) but no one actually talks about what it’s like, when you know you’re ready, or any of the details. They tell you it’s different for everyone. Well, yes, it is different for everyone.
Sometimes it hurts the girl the first time when the penis enters and breaks her hymen. That’s why she might bleed. Foreplay is so important, not just the first time a girl has sex but every time she has sex. You can’t just shove it in and expect it to feel good. She needs to be seduced. Sex has to be hot, not cold. A girl needs the guy to run his fingers all over her, tell her she’s gorgeous just like this, to whisper some other dirty comments to her. He needs to tease her, he needs to touch her there and play with her breasts. He needs to make sure she is completely turned on and ready. Only then should he even think about sticking his dick in her. But even still, his lips should be all over her body, his fingers should leave trails of the tingly feeling and maybe he could finger her a little bit to make sure she isn’t all that tight. When a girl’s tight, it hurts more.
Guys making a girl orgasm is important, but not as important as it is to feel good, to feel safe, to be happy to have just had sex. A girl should only have sex when she knows she’s ready - and she’ll know if she’s ready or not. She shouldn’t be scared. She should trust the boy or man enough to know that he won’t hurt her…at least not on purpose. A girl doesn’t need to wait for magic or fireworks to happen, to know she’s ready. Yet it’s the fantasy most girls cling onto. That or they’re scared the said boy will leave them if they don’t have sex. Only an individual can know if they’re ready. They can’t have someone to tell them that they aren’t. If they feel it’s right, then they should do it if it’s what they want. This of course, excludes twenty two year old and plus men going after high school girls, a girl under the age of fourteen and all the other bad stuff. This is talking about a mature girl who wants to have sex with a boy - regardless of relationship status.
No one should ever be pressured into having sex or doing anything sexual. If you say no, then that’s it. No means no. If anyone pushes for more (whether it’s a guy or a girl who wants more), you leave. You have to protect your body. If you don’t want it to be touched, you have to stand up for yourself. If you’re not ready to do anything, speak up.
Sex is communication. You need to speak about what you want, what you don’t want, what you’re afraid of, what you’re not ready for face to face. It can’t be talked about on MSN or Facebook or Tumblr or text message or e-mail or even on the phone. If you are going to have sex, you need to be comfortable enough with the person you’re about to do it with to talk about it face to face. Ask about STIs, ask about past experiences, ask what your partner prefers, tell them how you want to do it, tell them what you like, tell them what you want to try, tell them anything you’re unsure of. You have got to talk. If you’re going to get naked and do the who-ha, you need to be able to talk about everything personal. After all, what’s more personal than sharing your body with another person?
Hand jobs seem to be okay with a lot of people but blow jobs are supposed to be slutty? I’m sorry, but they’re not slutty. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that a sexual act is slutty. Well, unless you’re screwing seven guys or something. I just mean, sex is sex. If your lips wander down there, let them wander if you want them to. There’s nothing slutty about a blow job. I know it always seems like it’s a one-sided thing because only he gets off, only he gets the pleasure, but it’s not true. It’s exciting and different. If the girl is comfortable enough, she’ll probably get turned on by getting him off. I’m not ashamed to admit that blow jobs are hot. I am not ashamed of that. Blow jobs are a natural act and sure, there are sluts out there who give them away like there’s no tomorrow, but if you care about the person, if you’re turned on by it, if you like it…why on earth would that be slutty?
A note about blow jobs: apparently they’re really, really good if the guy like…convulses. I know that should be, like, I guess, common knowledge, but I recently found out that not all girls do that. I guess I mean to say, that when a boy moans and groans and convulses and you hear him inhale sharply and lose his breath all together, it’s like the hottest thing ever. So when people say blow jobs are slutty, tell them to shut the fuck up. I personally think that it’s fun for both partners. Really fun. And to know that you’re making someone feel good, it’s an awesome feeling. I’m just saying!
A lot of guys find swallowing really, really hot but not everyone is comfortable with that. Spitting it out is okay, or even just sticking a sock over top when he cums. It’s totally normal so don’t feel stupid if you do do that. I have yet to figure out why boys think it’s hot when a girl swallows. I guess that’s another mystery to solve (my first one is why some boys think it’s hot when a girl touches herself and then licks her fingers).
Oral sex for girls is different. Some are freaked out about the idea of a guy’s (or even a girl’s) mouth down there, some are turned on. They call it “eating out” and about a dozen other things, but really, all he’s doing is trying to make you feel amazing (cough, orgasm, cough) and that’s never bad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a guy “eat you out” and there’s nothing wrong with not feeling comfortable with that. In my opinion, I think it would be hot as hell. If you’d asked me that a year ago, I would’ve reacted with “ewwwww!” but now, not so much. Now I just think that it’s another way to get turned on.
Anal sex really freaks a lot of people out. Hell, it freaks me out. I honestly don’t know if I’d ever do it but that’s a personal choice. Everything about sex is a personal choice, don’t let anyone take that away from you. Anal sex, in my opinion, doesn’t seem as personal because you can’t see the person’s face. But it is in every way apart of some people’s sex lives. In some cases, that may be the only type of sex they can have. Maybe if you look at all the details, it’s a really disgusting thought: shoving that in there where you…you know, do number two. If you are not comfortable with it, don’t do it. My point is, however, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with anal sex but I think it could potentially be awkward.
If you like whips, if you’re into handcuffs or you want a threesome, I honestly don’t see why you can’t do it. If that turns you on, if that makes sex more exciting for you, go for it. Remember to talk to your partner about everything. Maybe there’s something that he or she isn’t comfortable with that you want to try. I happen to think that role-playing and handcuffs has the potential to be crazy hot. Some people might not like having someone else in control.
Fingering should be an important part of foreplay, or simply for fun. A girl can do it herself, or have someone else do it for her. In my opinion, I think it’s a smart idea for a girl to touch herself (not in a creepy way, but in an learn-your-own-body way) so that she knows what she likes and how she likes it. Sure, a partner can bring a whole new spin on it, but maybe he’s clueless. Knowing your body, how it feels, is also important because then you can detect whenever something is wrong. Like a lump or something. Which you should always get checked out immediately.
But a girl should know her own body, not just for health reasons, but for pleasure. Masturbating with one’s fingers can be the best way to get a girl ready for sex. It helps her not be so tight and it also lessens the pain the first time.
Masturbating is totally and completely normal. The fun thing is, it can be a dirty little secret and it doesn’t matter how you do it - as long as you feel good. You can stare at a photo, touch yourself, watch porn, dry hump a pillow or blanket or whatever, use fruit (I’ll admit that idea freaks me out way too much so I’ll never, ever attempt that considering a girl died from masturbating with a hard carrot), have someone watch you (webcam, in person, hot), talk dirty to someone (computer, text, phone, person), toys (vibrator, and like endless possibilities) and oh good gosh, I’m sure there are about a thousand other ways to feel good. It’s not something to be ashamed of (but I’ve learned the hard way, some people just don’t want to know about personal experience.)
Boys masturbate a lot. It’s what they do. It’s how they survive the horny-ness. They don’t always look up porn, or look at a picture. Some even do the pillow thing (although I always thought it was more geared towards girls, I have met a guy who uses the pillow thing.) Some guys will think of a past experience (so if you’re in a relationship and he’s thinking about an ex…don’t worry too much) and some boys will have fun getting off while you’re watching.
A note to all girls that you may not know: every time you give a hand-job or a blow-job, he won’talways cum. It is not at all your fault. A girl shouldn’t ever feel bad about not being able to make him “finish”. Now, personally, I didn’t know that it was possible. Talking to a certain boy about everything like that, I learned that when a hand job is done for them, it’s not a 100% guaranteed for them to cum. Same goes with blow jobs. I have to admit, I was kind of surprised but I think it makes sense.
Cum. Maybe I should talk about that while I’m on the subject of everything. Cum is an interesting thing. It carries (well for the males) pretty much over a million sperm. So, a hint of warning, if the boy gets off and goes to finger you - make sure his hands are clean if you’re not on birth control or anything like that. Seriously, you can get pregnant from that. I’m just saying, be careful. Also, a helpful fact if girls are swallowing, hope to the-god-of-your-choice that he eats his fruit. Fruit, apparently, make the stuff taste a lot better since some find it too salty or too sweet or even bitter.
Cum is different for girls. We don’t like, shoot it out, I guess. Being “wet” and “coming” and “orgasms” are three totally different things. Wet means you’re turned on. Yes, it’s cum, but it doesn’t mean you’re coming. Coming and orgasms are scarily close to each other. I have yet to figure out the real difference. I just think orgasms are better. I have researched it but even the internet is a little shy.
Thongs. Oh god, I can’t forget to talk about thongs. One, I own like 13 of them. It doesn’t make me a slut. It’s just … they happen to be extremely comfortable. I know. You’d think they’re like a wedgie but they’re not. What sucks is they can’t be worn when you have your period, unless you trust your tampon. Anyway! My point is, all guys think thongs are hot. They wouldn’t mind seeing one on accident but some guys do cross the line when the thong is pulled up too high as if to show it off. Some guys only think sluts wear thongs, and it’s up to you to show them that you’re not a slut if you do wear them. I’m not entirely sure why boys think thongs are hot. They simply do, and I guess that’s okay. I don’t know why I find boys in sweat pants or boys in cowboy hats hot (well, okay, one boy in a cowboy hat hot…which reminds me, I still need to give him his cowboy hat).
I’m the girl my friends go to when they have awkward sex questions. I am a sex goddess. What I don’t know, I will find out. I am pretty much fearless when it comes to sex because a certain boy made me realize that being sexual is okay. And it’s only with this certain boy that I’ll try pretty much anything (minus anal) with.
How about a quick wrap up?
Fourplay is extremely important. First time or the ten thousandth time you have sex.
You have to be 100% ready and comfortable.
You need to talk about what you’re going to do, how you want it to be done. You can’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking anymore than you can assume you know what they’re thinking.
Blow jobs aren’t slutty. Both partners can enjoy them.
Fingering is fun for most girls, but not all. Do not let someone pressure you into doing it if you don’t want to (this also goes for like, everything else as well).
Masturbation is completely and absolutely normal. Some people are ashamed about it, but they have no need to be.
Don’t do anything unless you want to. Who cares if they ask you to? Do it because you want to.
Cum tastes better when a boy eats fruit 24 hours before.
Boys like thongs.
Don’t be ashamed to ask questions about sex. Don’t be ashamed to be a little unsure, a little nervous. Don’t be ashamed about anything when it comes to sex. If it feels right, if it feels good, enjoy it.
If anyone has any questions about sex, I’m absolutely not afraid to find out. Like, did you know the squishy, plopping kind of noises when you have sex actually has a name? I just can’t think of it right now. But they say if there aren’t any squishy noises, you’re not doing it right. It’s an interesting though, to say the least.
I’m sure if you read all of this, maybe you know this stuff. Maybe you learned something new. Maybe you’ve taken my opinion into consideration. I honestly don’t care if you still think sex is icky. I just wanted to state my opinion on pretty much all of it. It doesn’t have to be scary. Knowledge is power.
But like I said, if you have any questions… I’m good at answering. :)
You can anonymously ask me something here or just leave a question?
i give you a pat on the back miss. i don’t believe you took the time to write that all out. i am thoroughly impressed.
Damn. I like this…Sex and Masturbation and all that taboo stuff should be talked about a lot more, yes it’s awkward, but that’s only because it isn’t talked about.